Ridiculous fashions. (From the perspective of face-time)

Dear store,

These modern fashions are fine and all, but now my child goes about with a boot on his head, socks on his hands, gloves on his feet, and a coat; well, never mind the coat. The point is, this is ridiculous, what happened to my adorable little child. Did he lose a bet, or perhaps a bomb dropping outside the house traumatized him. My child has gone mad and I am going to lock him in his room until he stops yammering “Flub Flubbity Flub Flubber Woo Van Deeple.” What does that mean anyhow? He could be cursing and I wouldn’t know it; that has to be it. I’LL GROUND HIM FOR A MONTH, no wait, don’t eat that! GROUNDED FOR A YEAR! Hey, that’s my turkey soup, don’t do that, stop! YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!