The Cold War

The cold war, contrary to the common belief, was a real war that was supposed to be fought with guns and tanks. However, it is only called the cold war because it was fought in Russia during the middle of winter. As we know, Russian winters are very cold, so all of the heavy artillery & munitions ended up frozen to the ground during rest breaks. All of the other weapons were dropped and lost in the snow somewhere in northern Russia. Since all of the weapons were lost to the snow, the soldiers decided to shake hands and form the McDonalds company. They used all of their skill to invent food that was burnt on the outside but raw on the inside. They made their chicken nuggets out of the remaining tank treads and their french fries out of their overused and worn out boot soles.

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Ridiculous fashions. (From the perspective of face-time)

Dear store,

These modern fashions are fine and all, but now my child goes about with a boot on his head, socks on his hands, gloves on his feet, and a coat; well, never mind the coat. The point is, this is ridiculous, what happened to my adorable little child. Did he lose a bet, or perhaps a bomb dropping outside the house traumatized him. My child has gone mad and I am going to lock him in his room until he stops yammering “Flub Flubbity Flub Flubber Woo Van Deeple.” What does that mean anyhow? He could be cursing and I wouldn’t know it; that has to be it. I’LL GROUND HIM FOR A MONTH, no wait, don’t eat that! GROUNDED FOR A YEAR! Hey, that’s my turkey soup, don’t do that, stop! YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

The real story of John Henry

The true story of John Henry and his hammer

                      Yea, he was born with a hammer in his hand, but here’s what he did with it before he helped build railroads.

He was a baby cyborg sent from the future to destroy humanity with his hammer, unfortunately he ended up hitting his big toe which contained his brain chip and it altered his programming, then afterwards he smashed the dining room table, all of his mothers dishes, and the dog. Unable to control him they laid him down by a railroad and he started to smash the tracks, and that is how Henry started his work as a railroad builder.

 

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