The world’s worst scientist

The following experiment was conducted in my science class.

A hot wheels car is rolled down a track using a bundle of washers hanging over the side of the table. The speed is then measured with different amounts of washers attached.

These are the following reasons why I was voted, “The World’s Worst Scientist.”

  1. When tying the washers around the car I tied a bow knot
  2. The bow knot came apart when someone picked it up
  3. We taped the string onto the car but the tape tore and it was blamed on me
  4. I forgot to reset the speedometer when we did a test
  5. I caught the washers before they hit the floor, therefore slowing the speed of the car
  6. I broke the string catching the car one time
  7. I was voted out of the group by someone who wasn’t even IN the group


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I figure

I figure that unless the situation is life threatening, then there is no need to freak out at all.

I figure that if ebola is going to wipe out the world, then it’s going to and there’s nothing we can do to stop destiny.

I figure that if I tell a joke that I think is funny, but no one laughs because it may or may not be slightly racist or sexist or anti-blonde, then thats on them.

I figure that if it happens it happens, if not then so be it.

I figure that if I go to college I’ll come out smart and ready to have a successful career in something…(Maybe).

I figure that if people find this post slightly offensive then they will probably tell their friends who will find it funny and will follow my blog…(Obscure Logic For The Win)


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Told by a Writer.

A man with a duck on his head walks into a bar

Bartender- Sir, you have an animal attached to you

Duck- I know it’s been stuck to me for weeks!


The same joke told at a writing workshop. 


A boisterous young man dressed in a tuxedo and a tie with a white and yellow duck on his head walks into a sleazy, dimly lit bar. He walks up to the well-dressed bartender with a thin mustache and a certain squint in his eyes that implied a dark secret.

Bartender- “You may want to improve your choice of head ware sir…”He said in a low growling tone.

Man- “…”

Bartender- “Do you notice anything funny about your attire…”

Man- “…”

Bartender- “Are you even listening…” He said, a hint of frustration in his voice.

Duck- “Yes… I’ve been listening the whole time… This thing has been suck to my foot for quite some time and the doctor said that he can’t help my condition…”

Bartender- Faints

Man- Has an expression of puzzlement on his face.

Man- “I didn’t know my ventriloquism was that good” He said as he removed the puppet from his head.